As for the text messages, speaking about sexually longing exs to those exs is not the same as fantasizing about someone from the past. Many people have fantasies about others that they’d never act out in real life. However, if you’re making comments to someone you used to be intimate with, that’s opening a door – however small the crack – towards something possibly happening in the future. Perhaps it’s seen as innocent flirting on the part of the girlfriend in the story above, but if it’s a regular thing – it’s like planting seeds in a fallow field. She may have no intention to directly act on it now, but the continued line of intimate talk between her and the ex could easily sprout under the right conditions.
The relationship gets rocky. The ex consoles her. They both still have a bit of the torch for each other. Throw in a few glasses of wine or beer…
If she were just texting her exs in a friendly manner, then the boyfriend would just be being jealous and possessive. But she’s crossing the line with the sexual longing comments, and something just seems off about the level of trust and commitment in this relationship.
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Divorced Joe says:
August 16, 2011 at 2:17 pm
When someone snoops around, it’s because they don’t trust their partner, but don’t know how to face that lack of trust head on.
That may be true in some cases, but is over simplistic in others. It isn’t uncommmon for one person to avoid every attempt for the other to discern the truth. In other words, it’s not the snooper (or the person hiring the private investigator) not knowing how to face that lack of trust, but the other person trying avoid being held responsible.
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